The seventh entrepreneur, Jumobi Daniel and his “Jumoby Fruity Eatery” left a fruity taste in the den when he came asking for 5 million naira in exchange of 30% equity in his business, an outlet where fruits can be savored by customers all day long. This investment would afford him the infrastructure required to run this business on a decent middle-class scale. The ‘fruity’ packages he brought to the den appeared very palatable, but as his pitch continued, he posited that his retail price would sky-rocket once he secured an investment. Ibukun Awosika failed to see the logic in this line of thinking, wondering why his prices should rise unprecedentedly because of their investment, instead of minimizing prices and maximizing sales, and driving more profit as a result. However, the dragons seemed genuinely interested in this business idea, and this entrepreneur, having sensed their interest became more confident and ambitious with his figures, as he proclaimed that his monthly turn-over had been 85, 000 naira derived from a monthly expenditure of about 15, 000 naira…his profit margin was huge and impressive…he claimed to be making about 70, 000 naira monthly from just doing door-to-door delivery in his neighborhood, and on campus.

When the cross-examinations began, with John Momoh wanting to know how this entrepreneur intended to access quality control of his product, and what he intended to do if the market demands meant that he was going to double or triple his supply. And the entrepreneur still very ambitious, reeled out initiatives that seemed too bogus to be accomplished with just 5 million naira.

“With the way you’re stretching this 5 million naira,” Chris Parkes stated light-heartedly, “I wish I could use you for my weekly shopping…”  The entrepreneur lost the dragons on the basis that his business plan was not feasible, and his idea was not well-researched. They advised him to allow his business to grow from bottom upwards instead of jumping from start-up to becoming a conglomerate.

Chris Parkes offered him a million naira worth of business advice for free, by compelling his to approach the supermarkets in town with his product, offer them a deal to stock his products on a sales-on-return basis, cashing in on such delivery daily or weekly, supplying his products according to the market demands. It sounded like an extremely smart advice, and it is to be hoped that the smile on the entrepreneur’s face as he walked out of the den meant that he was willing to go to town with Chris Parkes’ advice.

The dragons seemed disappointed that they hadn’t found an investable idea in the den this week. But next week is another week for shopping for business ideas that will not only enrich the entrepreneurs but also empower the consumer and the society, while promoting moral and God-fearing business ethics amongst young Nigerians.

Obv: sometimes, we should take our own biological growth into consideration before daring to defy business-gravity. It’s okay to shoot straight for the top, but be sure you have the right tools to take you there, and keep you there. My question for this week is : who cares about starting small?

—The Den Sweeper!

The sixth entrepreneur, Abiodun Bolaji came to ask for 6 million naira in exchange for 60% equity in his refuse disposal business. His presentation seemed to reveal the ambitions of  a young man out with a laudable social cause, to rid our cities of debris and garbage, but his business plan revealed a young man who had allocated money disguised as “monthly PR” to be disbursed as ‘bribe’ or ‘brown envelope’ for certain undisclosed officials. His lame justification for this “monthly PR” budget led him to confess his intention to consort to bribery in order to advance his business, implicating him as a business man who had no integrity;  whom, if supported would not support the movement to rid the world of the impression that Nigerians were masters at cutting corners, and doing shady deals.

“This doesn’t look good,” John Momoh exclaimed disappointedly, “I wanted to invest in this but you just shot yourself in the foot…I’m out”.  All the dragons opted out.

Obv: This entrepreneur had a good chance until he blew himself up with a self-ignited dynamite. How do you confess on TV that you intend to ‘bribe’ your way to business success? I am shocked, and I wonder how you feel! Share your comments…

–The Den Sweeper

The fourth entrepreneur, Michael Ijegwua and his partner Idu Paul literally waltzed into the den, looking smart, and confident that they were going to secure an investment in a business they had tagged the “Mobile Aided Mail-Box”, which was ear-marked to provide a service that would replace the conventional Private Mail Box (PMB) addressing system with a subscriber’s mobile phone number. Wow! The idea sounded very brilliant, but at the same time very confusing for the dragons, who sought demonstrations form these entrepreneurs. The den for one second took on the traits of a blockbuster comedy show as the dragons volunteered to play-act the processes involved in using this service- John Momoh played the role of the ‘addresser’, while Alexander Amosu played the role of the expectant  ‘addressee’ who was a subscriber of this service- using his calculator as a make-shift mobile phone.  After this demonstration, the mystery and allure of the business ideas was demystified, as it was revealed that all the entrepreneurs wanted to offer to the public was a ‘mail-alert’ service, which will inform subscribers that they’ve got packages or mail at the post office. The dragons informed these entrepreneurs that their business was just a value added service which would prove profitable if only they made plans to work with the postal agency to introduce this concept to their subscribers.

At that, the dragons politely opted out.  

The fifth entrepreneur, Walter Asikaro, the chairman of Consolidated Gems Limited, came to expand his business of exporting rough and processed gem stones with a 6 million naira investment from the dragons. He claimed that he’d been doing this business profitably for the past 6 years, literally boasted of millions of naira in his bank account and assets. But he couldn’t convince the dragons about was the legality of the business. When the dragons cross-examined him after his presentation, he claimed to have documents that will prove that the business was legal, and very profitable, but when he was asked to present the document, he confessed to having left the paper-work at home.

“Like you, who’ve left your papers at home,” Alexander Amosu stated, “I’ve also left my money at home…I’m out”

And he lost all the dragons.

I welcome your comments…

–The Den Sweeper

The second entrepreneur, Emmanuel Achukwu barely escaped being scorched by the infuriated dragons who felt enormously insulted by his bizarre demand for 5 million naira in exchange for 60% equity in a company that  would specialize in writing business plans for other businesses when the business plan he had presented to the dragons for this business was, as deduced from the dragons, marred by an overwhelming and nauseating dose of mediocrity, incompetence, and severe lack of any fundamental knowledge in the art of business writing.  However, Alexander Amosu prodded on, asking if he’d done his research on who will comprise his clientele, to which this entrepreneur revealed that there were over 1, 500 potential business clients available- Alexander Amosu fired back, wanting to know why Emmanuel felt these businesses would come to him – and Emmanuel remained mute. Femi Tejuoso soon discovered that this young man had committed yet another big blunder in his stillborn project by failing to categorize his own plan appropriately. Chris Parkes soon discovered that the last page of Emmanuel’s business plan was upside down. At this point, Femi Tejuoso could not hide his dismay, “I’m starting a new business, which is a campaign to prevent people from getting into trouble with such ( ill-advised, and badly written) business plans.”

John Momoh attempted a few words of encouragement, “go back home, do more work, and try again…”

But Ibukun Awosika was more forthright with her closing remarks, “please don’t try again. Go back to school. Make yourself more qualified to do this kind of work- but for now, you don’t have a business”

The third entrepreneur, Alao Olatunji was bubbling with the idea of starting what he dreamt was a ‘Modern Day Carwash’, and in order to turn his dream into a burgeoning enterprise  he unwittingly requested for 31 million naira in exchange of 70% equity in his business, without adequate research to support his claims that the business would flourish, coupled with the fact that he was temporarily unable to convince the dragons that investing in the business wasn’t as risky and as foolhardy as drilling for water in the Sahara desert. During his presentation he had revealed his plans to roll out a bouquet of car-washing services under the glam titles ‘Flexi’, ‘Supreme’, ‘Instanta’ etc. He pegged the prices for his services at N1, 000. However, at some point he seemed to be communicating his idea effectively until when he proved unable to respond satisfactorily to Ibukun Awosika’s question, “what seperates you from the others at filling stations?” If this seemed like bad news, it got even worse, when it was discovered that according to his business plan that investors were not to expect returns on their investment for at least 3 years.

“I think you’re going into shark-infested water…I suggest you stick to the manual option” Chris Parkes suggested.

“this is a high risk business” John Momoh revealed.

And it was out! Out!! Out!!! For all the dragons.

Phew!

If Dragons’ Den business TV show was an athlete, one would be justified to say that episode 3 was on some kind of quality-enhancement steroids. Since the show premiered 3 weeks ago, it’s been the subject of adoration, critiques, and a business template for entrepreneurs. Episode 3 was packed with more dramatic energy, more ambitious smooth-talking entrepreneurs, and more ruthless dragons. Episode 3 on Dragons Den was like a one-hour lecture that made mince-meal of an entire session in business school.

The first entrepreneur Aniekeme Friday Bassey came in search of 8 million naira in exchange of 20% equity in a business he believed would solve Nigeria’s electricity problem for good. He came hoping to convince the dragons to invest in a business that would make wind turbine power-generating sets available in Nigeria. He gave an impressive presentation to support the necessity, benefits, and presumed viability of the business; during his presentation he revealed that the wind turbine apparatus generated up to 2 mega watts of electricity, and was currently being employed in Europe, where this technology is responsible for generating more than 40% of the continent’s energy.

His proposal held a lot of promise, especially for Nigerians who are currently plagued by the living nightmare of epileptic and sometimes non-existent power supply, his idea represented hope, and his presentation seemed to be sliding into our bowels with the aid of a well-lubricated speculative presentation, until Femi Tejuoso asked, “can you tell us what you think is responsible for the fact that the wind-turbine technology is used in some countries and not in others?” This question proved to be an exposition of the peripheral nature of the idea. However this entrepreneur responded by saying that the countries believed that the wind in their regions was not strong enough to power the wind turbine.

Alexander Amosu was arrested by the prospect of supporting a business idea that would fulfill the most basic and fundamental needs of individuals and businesses in Nigeria. Alexander Amosu however needed scientific proof that will convince him that the product works. The entrepreneur, being unable to assert the workability of this product, then decided to do a little ‘name-dropping’ by attesting that his partners in Spain the country where this product was to be imported from have demonstrated the proof that it works.  His problems have just begun. The dragons had initially held onto the notion that the technology was developed by him. They began to gradually distrust this entrepreneur, as they began to dig deeper into his business plan, where they soon discovered what proved to be a fatal flaw for Friday Bassey, in the character of what he’d elaborately described as his “exit-strategy” in an event the business failed. In this “exit-strategy he had described how he was going to switch to another business, without explaining what the fate of his investors would be in the event of this ‘foretold’ collapse.

His “exit-strategy” resulted in his quick and cashless exit from the den, but not until Ibukun Awosika gave him a well deserved ‘tongue-lashing’ in her characteristic motherly manner, informing this entrepreneur that failing to communicate and convince any investor of his undying passion, trust-worthiness,  and unwavering belief in his project would repel prospects. Meaning that thinking about defeat or failure even before a project is launched spelled doom for any entrepreneur.

Of course all the dragons had opted out, who wouldn’t?